It has now been 8 months since Scott left. The last eight months have been, without a doubt, the hardest, darkest months of my life. In these last months, I have never, ever in my life felt so suffocated by helplessness, depression, anger, grief, and pain. It has taken every bit of energy I had to get through each day knowing that he is missing us as much as we are missing him. We, at least still have each other.
Trust me when I say, a biological connection is NOT necessary to completely love a child with your whole heart or for a child to feel like they belong to you. A child doesn't come onto the world demanding to see the results of a their caregivers DNA test before beginning the bonding process. It's all about being there. It's the bedtime stories, band aids, eye patches, soccer games, fevers, Candy Land games, bad dreams, birthday cakes, tantrums, prayers, Garfield cartoons, trampoline flips, hugs, laughter, and tears. It's about being dependable, honest, tender, sincere, and safe. Home really is where the heart is.
Over the last eight months, I have felt God's presence probably more than I ever have. He has truly been walking through with us every step of the way. He's seen every tear, probably shed a few of His own, and He knows the pain our hearts feel because He gave us our hearts.
Things are not going well for Scott, but we can't do anything about that. Not being able to help your child when he needs you is a parent's worst nightmare. He really isn't our child. Our six other children aren't really our children either. They are God's children, and so are we. And God takes care of His children. We can't be there for Scott, but God can. We are now at a point where we are praying that Scott can have the PEACE in his heart that he needs to hold on until his life improves, and we will have the PEACE to go on and do whatever God wants us to do next.
We will always, forever, be here if Scott can come back, but we also have to go on. We have been working on updating our homestudy to pursue another adoption. There are still a lot of children out there needing families and, at least one of them, needs our family Stay tuned.....................
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding , will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
